23, ocpd-perfectionist & clumsy chemist
i ii iii

upm 1st sem ; the path
Sunday, December 07, 2014 • 10:43 AM

Assalamualaikum para readers! Im here updating my lovely blog. Seriously, you are very precious to me, ENNAMOON K., since you are the one who keeps my stories since long time ago. Lately, i had tendency remembering my past memories. It was very hard and of course it hurts my heart. I cant return to my old days, and it is very depressing.

Kenangan- kenangan silam datang menerpa. Mengapa? Mungkin kerana hidup ketika ini amat menjadi beban untuk aku teruskan. Kadangkala aku terfikir, adakah ini jalan yang benar yang harus aku lalui, yang perlu aku teruskan? Adakah ini jalannya, Ya Allah? Adakah ini TAKDIRNYA ya Tuhan? Jalan yang aku pilih ini membawa aku kepada limit. You have to know, I'm reaching my limit! I dont know whether i can carry on. It drives me to the corner, i cant escape, it freeze me silently. 

First of all, im here because of my parents, not because of God. That's if the problem. I'm not in the right track. Aku sepatutnya berada di sini kerana Tuhan, bukannya kerana mengejar harta keduniaan. Bukannya mengejar cita-cita untuk berada di atas bersenang lenang. Yes, that's true. That thinking is not hundred percent false. But it just towards more to keduniaan, all materials. You forget the most fundamental concept, Zalina. Everything revolves in this world, because of HIM, our ALMIGHTY, our CREATOR, Ya Allah, Ya Rabb. Once He decided on something, it will go on like He planned. Most fundamental concept of Qada and Qadar. 

Aku tak pasti sama ada ini adalah jalanku? Namun tajaan JPA memperkuatkan lagi, bahawa ini adalah jalanku. Allah telah tunjukkan bahawa ini adalah jalanku, jalan yang sepatutnya aku teruskan. Apa yang perlu aku lakukan adalah dengan berusaha bersungguh-sungguh. That's the problem here. Im really weak in controlling my desires. I tend to do something useless, wasting my time in front of my laptop watching movies, animes and also reading mangas. I neglected all of my responsibilities as a student. Lab reports and tutorials were left on my table, untouched for 2 days. Filem Puteri Gunang Ledang lebih menarik minatku. Revision entah ke mana? Nota belum lagi di siapkan. At the end of the day, regretting consumed me. My heart was burdened with guilty. Guilty towards my parents that have high hopes on me. What a worst daughter am i?

My friends, of course they are very bright. Competition always happened here, in university. And bear in mind, in order to stand equally with them, you have to work hard. Jealousy is the main element to drive you to your highest achievement. It is just like a fuel (medium) to burn your desire.

Im going to fight. My enemy is hella strong. You know what is it? It is my DESIRE. It can bring me to a PEAK OF SUCCESS, and of course it also can pull me to DEPTH OF HELL. Im stressing here, if i control my desire in rightful manner, then surely this destiny will not be a problem for me with one term that i need to remember Him always. I need to understand that everything i did and i do just because of Him. I'm devoting myself to HIM. Alhamdulillah, by witting this entry, i can detect who is my real enemy. The heavy feelings in my heart were lifted. Then, till we meet again, i need to study for final exam, assalamualaikum.
ps : procrastination destroying me. 

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