upm 2nd sem ; revolt
Friday, June 26, 2015 • 5:12 PM
Black Rock Shooter and Mad Black Rock Shooter.
This is the time to rise and to correct all those things - the inferiority complex. I already committed many mistakes and of course as a human being, some of them were unavoidable. But since i am already 21 years old, i have to behave as my age. Irony is it? 21 years old and still watching anime. Opps, my bad. That's a bad habit that i could't cease eventho i'm getting older. Anime taught me many values of life, and i appreciate that. Besides, when watching anime, i could forget all of my problems. Hmm, let's stop about anime things. So, this is my last day at UPM for second semester. I already finished my fuckin' exam that i don't know whether i can pass it - Kimia Tak Organik (KTO), ah just don't give a damn bout it. I'm in the holiday's mode. So, we should enjoy, especially for the university students.
Revolt is the title for this post and a previous title of this blog. It means that, i have to revolt or in other words, i have to struggle to grab things i want in my life and what i want for Afterlife. But yeah, i'm just a rotten human being who are not perfect. 21 years old and still not get any life satisfaction. I'm still far from God, i want to return, but my desire keeps me from doing so. Until when i'm going to stay at this level? Until when i'm going to freeze here? Until the day i die? I can't. I have many things to do. I have to return to Him before my death is calling, so there's no regret will haunt me. I'm twisted. My parents, my family - i want them to be happy, i want them to be successful in this world and in the another world. I hope i can be reunited with them, so we have to change. My friends - I do believe i love them. I hold them dear to my heart, but my previous experiences prevent me to keep anyone close to my soul. Because when i'm trusting someone, i will be betrayed by her/him. I'm scared and that's why i'm shutting down all of my feelings - remain neutral.
At last - I'm unable to feel them (feelings). Especially the feeling of love and the feeling of anger. I don't give a damn at all. And this kind of thing make me empty. I repeat, EMPTY.
Leave the feeling alone. I can't do anything to change that since my mind already decided it for a long time ago. I just follow the flow. What i'm going to do now is filling my semester break with many great things. I have a big dreams and just need an instructions to commence this operations. I believe i can do it and i will update when i success to accomplish it. And i will proceed this changes even the semester break meets it end. I'm shouting, i'm leaving my past, i'm revolting for my future. Wish me goodluck, assalamualaikum.