23, ocpd-perfectionist & clumsy chemist
i ii iii

break ;
Wednesday, February 08, 2017 • 2:58 PM
i'm tired of getting hurt,
from the same issues & problems,
they 're repeated,
& i'm too tired to face it anymore.

why they 're repeated?
am i the one who is the real problem?
the one who is not changing?
& the one who is really sensitive?
even the years passed by,
am i the one who remains unchanged?

CHANGING is real hard for me,
they 're absolutely against my nature,
"yes i'm fine, i'm okay, i can go through it."
stop, i'm tired of pretending to be okay, to be strong,
just to make you happy & not to worry.

but still, those stuffs of "changing" keep bugging me,
because i'm the eldest, i need to be mature,
i need to be an example to younger brother & sister,
i need to obey & i need to be okay
– eventho everything inside is conflicted & starting to break,
again, just to make you happy & not to worry.

getting HURT is something that i really need to avoid,
because i'm sure - i'm someone who can't withstand it,
when facing something relates to family,
i'm fragile, easily broken & unable to recover.

so, let's conclude here,
why not we freeze everything – my body & soul?
let's stop taking care of others
& giving damn on their feelings & emotions,
why not we neutralize everything
& we return to our deep slumber state,
so that, everything becomes empty & quiet again.

4th February 2017 - Saturday (02:41 p.m)

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